finding contentment in every season

If you know me well, you probably know that being content where God has me is one of my biggest struggles. Honestly, it has been for as long as I can remember.

I remember being in 5-6th grade and anxiously awaiting 7th grade… In 7th grade I would receive my own locker and begin changing classes each period. I remember wanting braces because I thought they looked cool on the “older kids”. Wanting to play junior high sports with the older girls. Wanting a phone so I could text my friends. Before long, I had all of those things. But once I got used to them, I was ready for the next thing. I was ready for high school, ready to get the braces OFF, ready to get my driver’s license, ready to have a boyfriend.

Before I knew it, I was officially in High School. In the midst of these years, I participated in many new things that my middle-school self was dying to do. Competitive sports, getting my driver’s license, dating, hanging out with friends, gaining freedom (and responsibility) from my parents. Yet, to my surprise, the coming of this season only made me yearn for the next. I found myself dreaming of life after high school… college, a more flexible schedule, traveling, meeting my future husband.

This next season of college brought a multitude of sweet gifts from the Lord that I only wish I could have known about in high school. Maybe then I would not have spent those years as unintentionally as I did. My college years brought me a community of God-fearing friends, a deep intimacy with Jesus, the love of an incredible man who would later become my husband, and personal growth in every way imaginable. But even still, despite the goodness of the Lord throughout those years, I longed for the next season. 

I was in my sophomore year of college when I realized how unhealthy this repetitive cycle was. As I was studying 1 Samuel, God showed me a very relatable example of discontentment and envy from the Israelites. You see, at this stage of my life I was just dying to be married. I was single, going on occasional dates, and scouting out every guy I met as my potential future spouse. I was tired of waiting around for the perfect guy, and considering lowering my standards just for the sake of finding a life partner as soon as possible. It was in the midst of this season of wrestling that I was sitting at a coffee shop with my best friend Cortney, reading my bible, and came across 1 Samuel chapter 8.

Up until this point in 1 Samuel, Israel was ruled by judges. This had been the case for the last 300-400 years, so most of this generation of Israelites hadn’t known anything different. However, in chapter 8 the Israelites make Samuel aware of their dissatisfaction with the current leadership. They say to Samuel: “…appoint a king to judge us the same as all the other nations have”. This request caught Samuel off guard, so he immediately takes it to the LORD in prayer. To Samuel’s surprise, the Lord tells him to listen to the cries of the people and give them what they want. God explains that the Israelites’ request is not a rejection of Samuel, but a rejection of God himself as their king. The LORD tells Samuel to grant the wish of the people, but “solemnly warn them” about the changes that will occur if they are to be ruled by a king. 

The next ten verses of chapter 8 include Samuel’s in depth warning to the Israelites if they choose to be ruled by a king. After explaining all of these potential hardships, he even blatantly states in verse 18: “When that day comes, you will cry out because of the king you’ve chosen for yourselves, but the LORD won’t answer you on that day.” You would think that this would be a wake-up call for the Israelites, but their response is fitting for the character that they’ve built for themselves up to this point: “No! We must have a king over us. Then we’ll be like all the other nations…” Following this conversation, God tells Samuel to listen to His people and appoint a king for them. Shortly after in the next few chapters of 1 Samuel, Saul is appointed and begins his rule as king over Israel. I won’t go into the details of Saul’s reign as king, but if you can take the time to read the rest of 1 Samuel, you will see clearly that Saul was not the God-fearing, courageous, humble leader that the Israelites needed. Frankly, in most circumstances he was the opposite. He often acted out of selfish ambition, fear of man, or pride. 

When I first read this story while sitting in that coffee shop during my sophomore year of college I was stunned by the clear truth that God seemed to be showing me. I was in a very sweet stage of life- surrounded by friends, enjoying college, learning to be an adult- yet I still longed for something different, something better. That really is the epitome of human nature, isn’t it? Not fully soaking in God’s current faithfulness because we are praying for what He would provide next? I seemed to be living a very similar lifestyle to the Israelites… praising God one day, then subtly rejecting Him the next, when His plan didn’t quite match up with mine. While initially reading this, I was perplexed by the phrase: “same as all the other nations”. This comment clearly showed a lack of contentment and trust in God, as well as envy, from the Israelites, and the conviction in my spirit told me that the same rang true in my own heart. As much as I was praying for the LORD to guide my next steps, I was just as eager to pave my own path if God wasn’t quick enough. 

The primary truth from this passage that God used to change my perspective that day, was the fact that God gave the Israelites what they asked for. Despite their ignorance, their distrust, their selfishness, and their total rejection of God’s warning, God gave them the desire of their hearts. He gave them the freedom to choose what they wanted, even though he knew the pain that would come from it. So often in my life I make decisions based off of my own timeline or personal desires rather than waiting on God’s provision and timing. If we fast forward a few chapters in 1 Samuel, we see that God was preparing a king to rule over Israel in due time. David was to be the humble, God-fearing, servant-hearted leader that Israel needed, if only they would have waited on God rather than taking things into their own hands. God already had a perfect plan for the Israelites- to bring them the king that they needed, exactly when they needed him.

Of course God, in his sovereignty and faithfulness, still worked all things together for His glory through this passage. However, this story can be used as a powerful reminder to God’s children of His never ending provision in our lives. I have reminded myself of this story time and time again over the last few years. College-student Anna needed to hear this story to remind her that God’s timing is perfect in regards to her desire to be married. She needed the reminder to let God write her story and not rush into the “next best thing” on her own accord. Post-grad school Anna needed the reminder too… she needed to find total reliance on God alone in a difficult season of unknowns following college. Today, I need the reminder of these truths just as much. In a season of life that I’ve dreamt of and prayed over for years, I still find myself anticipating the next thing. Through trial and error, trusting God and doing my own thing, I’ve become keenly aware that this wrestle with contentment will never be fully resolved until I see Jesus face to face. The satisfaction I still seek to receive from God’s goodness on earth won’t be completed in full until I dwell with Him in heaven for eternity. While I long for that day, I will choose to find joy in every day that the LORD provides me on earth. And I pray the same for you, friend.

This is the day that the LORD has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it! 

-AL